i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
