"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
