as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
