Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
