If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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