in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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