You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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