What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
