so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
