Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
