when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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