this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
