I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
