I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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