Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
