This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
