I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
