pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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