I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
