When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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