is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
