I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
