absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
