We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
