It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He is an equal opportunity slut.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
