You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
