she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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