I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
