Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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