When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
