Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
