wake up i wanna do it froggy style
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
