my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
