she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
