awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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