my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
