You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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