my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
