I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
