I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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