Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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