Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
