Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
