Kiss
Puke
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
