Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
