He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
