i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
