Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
