I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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