My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
